To this point, my reader, my most loyal friend, I have told you in various ways about the fact that I enjoy and thrive upon the presence and companionship of others. But today, I am going to dive more deeply into it, because it is now the heaviest matter on my mind.
The world, it seems, is going my way. To begin with, I am a star student with a GPA of over 3.8. Some of the previous issues will tell this story if you haven’t already heard.
My situation with Bryan College is also looking more positive than ever. I am in touch with my recruiter, and all plans point toward starting at Bryan in the spring of ’24. I’ll be a member of the Air National Guard by then, as well as other things that I will share with you as they unfold.
Until now, I have been unable to fully express the weight that my desire for companionship holds over me. And even now, I am no more able to describe it than I was before. But in order for you, my loyal reader, to comprehend how much you yourself mean to me, I will endeavor to do so nonetheless.
For those of you who know me, either by seeing your part in my story or by knowing me directly, I hope that this will help you see why I am the way I am. For the rest of you, whom I hope to get to know someday, this will give you a head start in understanding the most integral part of my personality.
After the resolution of the Crossroads that I have been telling you about in previous issues, my mind was placed at ease. I no longer had any worries, because I had a single, attainable plan. But no sooner had my heart taken flight, free from the weight of my troubles, when it was quite savagely brought down once again, falling victim to another, more familiar pain.
I have always disliked school breaks. Even in middle school, where I was not well accepted into the social crowd, I would still much rather be at school than at home. This was not because my life at home was somehow unpleasant; it was simply boring. I had no friends to come over or to go see, and there really wasn’t much to keep me occupied.
A large part of this was the normal course of school breaks. But in hindsight, I can’t help thinking that a part of it was the social aspect. Even though I could not make friends, I was able to get along well enough with the less toxic students who knew how to act normal.
Now I must say something for the members of my family. I am not implying that my family is not good company. I am, however, drawing a distinct line between the company of my family and that of anyone else.
My family is as follows: my brother, whom I can hardly converse with; and my parents, who see and respond to everything—intentionally or habitually—through the Parent Perspective. Neither of these are conducive to the type of conversations that boys my age have with each other about school and work and sports cars and ladies—but I digress.
The group of Anyone Else is itself split into three categories: the General Population, my Personal Circle, and my closest friends.
The General Population is those people that I see everyday, in class or in the halls, as well as the lady at the coffee shop, or the staff members that I interact with most regularly. These can also include anyone I may at times stop and talk to, work with, or join for coffee once and never speak to again. I might know these people by name, and we’ll nod to each other in the hallways until we forget each other entirely and become strangers once again.
Then there is my Personal Circle. I don’t really know what the distinction is between these and the General Population, but I have no doubt that there is one. The main difference is that these people consciously and deliberately determine to revolve around me to a small extent. These are the people who invite me to lunch, or to Christmas parties, or who choose me to help them with their projects. And if I have not been heard from in a while, at least a third of those people, however large the group may be, will reach out to me and ask if all is well, and have I seen the latest cat memes, and whatnot. And this circle constantly makes itself slightly larger as people meet me and those within it.
I consider these people to be friends, as most people understand the word. I can count on all of these people, not necessarily individually, but always as a group. That is to say that someone in this circle will always be there when I need something.
The last and closest of these groups, my own closest friends, make up a much smaller circle: currently two people. And I trust that if you are one of those people, you know who you are and how much you mean to me.
These two people are no different, in and of themselves, than those in my Personal Circle. But the relationship we share is different. I feel more comfortable talking with them, and they have never failed to be there to pray for me, to talk with me, and to come to me when they needed the same. These are the people who take time, quite often, to ask how I am for no apparent reason.
The strange thing about this group—these two people, I should say—is that I have known them for very long. I met ne a year and a half ago, and the other, the closer of the two, only six months. But both of them are as close as anyone I have ever known, and closer than anyone outside of my own family.
It is for this reason that my brain’s ability to function, especially creatively, is so heavily affected when I am isolated from these groups of people. I’ll use a recent example.
Every holiday, I create a video or something similar sharing a special message connected with the holiday and/or the surrounding current events. But when New Year’s Day came around, I was at a complete loss. For the first time, no matter what I tried, I could not come up with anything that I liked.
I was perfectly able, however, to create a branding package for the law firm where my dad worked, mainly because I was able to draw off of his creativity. Basically, I knew what he wanted because I had seen his style before.
I keep in touch with my friends online, but that is not the same by any stretch. I am therefore glad that school is about to start again. Plus, I am about to set out on a new and somewhat daring endeavor at Bryan College, so my cirle will be growing once again.