“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
So begins Charles Dickens in his Tale of Two Cities, a book which I, despite my repeated encounters with its title, have never read. Nevertheless, as the most distinct areas of my life have taken a turn, one for the better and one for the worst, I must thank Mr. Dickens for delivering the most suitable beginning of this part of my story.
On one hand, I am at the starting gate, waiting, as it were, for the bell to ring. I am stamping impatiently at the ground beneath my feet as I anxiously anticipate the bursting open of that cold, iron cage separating me from the great race of life. And when at last that bell sounds, I have God on my side, so who can be against me?
On Monday, December 10, I was at Bryan College, sitting in a common area in Mercer Hall with a new friend of mine. I had a final exam for my dual-enrollment course, Intro to Business, and now I had been sitting up there by myself. The room was quite full, actually, though there was no one I knew. But it happened, as it often did, that someone found me and decided to join me. Today, it was my new friend, Alex.
Alex was a senior, and I met him over a week earlier when he was finishing up his time as a writing tutor because I was writing essays to submit for scholarship competitions. You can read about this in an earlier issue, and you shall hear about Alex later on.
On that particular day, I had planned to meet an old friend from public school whom I had invited to tour the college. Apparently, however, he had a scheduling conflict, so he canceled.
Knowing that we would not visit the Academics Office as part of a tour, my mom went down to speak with Mrs. Wesolowski, my admissions counselor, and then went to Financial Aid, which was also on the second floor of Mercer Hall.
She left while I was still sitting there with Alex, and she waved as she went by. Then, about a minute later, Mr. Haggard came down the same hall as he often did. He said hello as usual, and then he asked me if I had seen my mom.
Something about the way he asked this question told me that something was wrong, but he did not say anything about it.
When I left, I wished Alex a Merry Christmas, and then I asked him to pray for me.
During the forty-minute drive home, Mom told me that the financial situation didn’t look good. She said that I would have to devote every spare minute of college to scholarships and work-study hours. Her tone and choice of words told me that she had lost hope, and that whatever numbers she had gotten that morning from Mr. Haggard were much different than the ones we had seen in August.
After I went to bed that night, and when I was quite nearly asleep, something made me jolt wide awake, and I heard my parents talking.
Though I could not make out any words, I had very little doubt as to what was being discussed. I could hear it in the serious tone of my dad and in the almost heartbroken voice of my mom.
The following day, when I brought up the subject, Mom told me that we’d talk about it with Dad when Dad was ready. So, for all that day and all the next, I was left in the dark, knowing what would happen and yet refusing to even say it to myself in my own mind. I even asked, on Wednesday afternoon, what the chances were that I would not be able to attend Bryan College. But the answer was the same.
Finally, on Thursday, I could stand it no longer, so I pled my case. Mom sent me to my room while she called Dad at work, and then she called me back out.
She started by saying that I probably knew what was coming. Then, she explained that she and Dad had only been able to come to one conclusion. There was absolutely no way that Bryan College would be a doable option as we had planned it.
There were, however, four options. One: enroll in the U.S. Air Force Academy, bypassing Bryan College altogether. Two: enlist in the Air Force, fulfill a four-year commitment, and go to Bryan College on the G.I. Bill. Three: attend Middle Tennessee State University or a similar college with an ROTC program, which would then be paid for if I committed to enlisting after graduating. Four: get a job, start my company, and see what happens.
Right off the bad, I was leaning heavily toward Option Four. It offered the shortest route to the future, which I was anxious to attain. But beyond that, after reading Charlie Kirk’s The College Scam, I question the true necessity of college on the path to achieving my ambitions. The only reason that I want to go to college right now is the fact that I want to go to Bryan College.
But Mom was more in favor of Option One, my going to Bryan via the Air Force. Not in any mood to press the issue, I conceded to move forward in this direction.
That night, I slept very little. I spent the night thinking about everything, and I realized that very little had really changed. We had known from the very beginning that winning scholarships would be my only hope for going to Bryan. Now, we had simply put a figure on it. So now we were giving up? Every scholarship that I planned to apply for was still there. They had not disappeared. But now, with actual numbers, it seemed more intimidating. More impossible. To my own surprise, even my mom seemed to have lost hope and faith.
And then I remembered Gideon and the fleece. At seven-forty-five on Friday morning, I decided that if scholarships were still there, God had not closed this door. He had simply shown me that it would be impossible without my effort and His provision. Therefore, like Gideon, I wanted to be sure. So I made a determination that I would take the leap of faith, even to a point that my mom was not willing to go to. I was willing to invest in the chance that God was simply trying my faith, and that He would work for my good so long as I did not close the door on Him.
As soon as I made this determination, God began to move again.
This issue of Strange and Miraculous Ways is part of two series: Memoirs of a Future Bryan Lion and Crossroads. But the next issue is not in the Crossroads series.