There is a good chance that some interesting things will begin to take place this semester as I return to Bryan College. I have a few rather daring plans for this semester, and I’m excited to tell you about my adventures. But for now, I have another secret to share with you.
This series of mine was intended as a way to share the glory of God, and as a means for people to learn about me. But now, the sheer volume of things that I’ve written causes me to have to share parts of it individually, because no one will read all of it. In fact, it now defeats its own purpose.
I like writing it though, because it lets my inner thoughts and deepest secrets out of my mind, and I can spontaneously pull a page from here or there in order to answer a question about myself or my past.
So today, I am writing this issue. It is one of the most personal things I could ever share with you, and it’s also one of the least believable. Therefore, I am going to take my time and explain it to you, which means that this issue will be a bit longer than usual. So grab that cup of coffee, lean in close to someone who loves you, and let us begin.
In December of 2021, I had a very vivid dream.
I am with a group of boys my own age, as well as a few adults who seem to be in charge of us. The setting resembles a military setting, like boy scouts or something similar
As the meeting or whatever it is begins to seem like it will end, I suddenly find myself in a totally different place. There is a man there whom I guess to be nearly thirty, and who seems to me to be a military man. He looks as if he’s just gotten out of a pool, but I don’t see one near, nor do I look for one. All I see is the man—his chest, actually. I am standing very close to him, and for some reason, he has his arm around me.
A few things happened in the dream before it ended. I don’t remember it very well, but that one part stands out, and you shall see why.
The next month, which was January, I went to take the second College Writing course at Bryan as a Dual Enrollment student. On the first day, our professor had us partner up with someone else and do a short assignment. Because I did not know anyone, I was simply going to turn around and find someone, but the man next to me moved over to the seat that had been between us, and we worked together.
Over the course of the semester, Mark and I sat together every single class period, and we got to know each other rather well. Mark had been in the military before coming to Bryan College, and he was now twenty six, (I think), married, and studying theology or something similar.
The course ended, as usual, with the final exam. That was the day when we said our final goodbyes, even though we still communicate regularly. But that night, I had the same dream as above, except that this time, it was only the part that I spent with the man. And I saw the face of the man who was hugging me—Mark’s face.
Now I could share more with you, but instead, I want to tell you a few things.
First, I have had several dreams that come true, but I do not by any means style myself a predictor of the future. In fact, I usually don’t know what a dream means—if I can remember it at all—until after it comes true. It is only when the events take place, or else shortly afterward, that I either have the dream again in clearer context or just suddenly realize that the connection is there.
Not all of my dreams are like this, of course. Like anyone else, I have ordinary dreams, most of which I never remember, and which have absolutely no real meaning or logic. And compared to the total number of dreams that I have only a fraction of them have any meaning. But there is the occasional dream, the one that is more vivid than all the others. Sometimes I remember it, sometimes I don’t. But I always know when I’ve had one, because the dream feels different and the way I wake up from it is very different.
As I said, I’ve had several dreams like this, and I’ve never had one—whether I could remember the dream beforehand or not—that has not fulfilled itself. At times they are smaller things, and occasionally one will be about a big thing. One time, I said:
I see strange things in my sleep. Some are scary, All come true. Some are people, One is you.
But recently, I have had very few dreams. The most recent one I had was very vivid, and I immediately understood it to foretell a very specific and undesirable event. This event has already begun to take place, and there is now very little I can do to change it.
Now I know that this may not make much sense, but I can now promise that you understand it as well as I do. There is no rhyme nor reason, no predictability or control of any kind. But one thing I have learned is that knowing the future—even in part—is nothing to wish for. It can destroy the hopes that God gives us for the future. And while it may seem nice to know of our hardships ahead of time, the very experience of hoping for a future, even if it is lost, is itself a gift which God gives us. And having such dreams as I at times have had has often deprived me of that gift.